The Senior Systems Engineer's crumpet

Not Rach. Well, OK, Rach, but also these (cue over-processed photo):

[click for big on the pictures]


I don't know about you, but I furkin' love crumpets. Bung 'em in the toaster, put butter on while they're hot so it goes straight through onto the breadboard, then jam, or cheese, or honey, or golden syrup, or whatever. You just cant beat bread with holes in it.

I've been having a go at making things that you normally only buy. So far, this has extended to croissants (success) and pita bread (was aiming for something different but they were nice anyway), as well as just normal bread.

Crumpets can't be hard, right? Let's see . . .

[photos might be a bit shit as I took them, Ella was otherwise engaged as you'll see]:



Delia Smith's recipe was pretty much the first one I found, and for this second go, I've stuck to it as it works very well. In the future I might try one where you use baking powder rather than yeast. Maybe this one?

Here's the milk, water, sugar and real yeast (not Surebake):



After 10 minutes on top of the dryer, there's a brown froth on top, which I forgot to take a picture of. It looks kind of like the scum you get at the bottom of waterfalls.

Meanwhile, beside me there was some sort of fight going on between Ella and Rach. Not entirely sure what was about, but it seemed to involve about two thirds of the world's supply of cocoa powder:



Betty was asleep so we were temporarily safe from total destruction.

I sifted some flour - here's a better picture of the floral sifter. No-one's asked, but I know that's just because you're shy:



I made a well in the flour:



The whatever-it-was continued unabated next to me, despite my protests:



I added the scum to the well:



and mixed them to a smoooooooooooooooooooooooooooth batter:



I left it on top of the dryer while those other two made pies or something, I dunno:



The batter had to rise for a bit, during which time the almost-solid-cocoa circles went into the kiln and came back out, looking like this:



I think something went a bit wrong, they look all puffy.

We all went off to Chartwell to get haircuts about now. This took longer than expected and I had visions of returning to find a laundry completely filled with expanded batter.

Sadly, this was not to be; it was only this big:



Close-up of the moonscape, glup glup:



I scooped up spoonsful of this (quite difficult as it's very very gluey, kind of like hot mozzarella):



which were then squeegee'd off the spoon and into the frying pan (butter in there already):



Full-on crumpets are meant to be done using metal rings, but the $2 Shop didn't have any, so we have free-form crumpets instead. After a while they look a bit like this:



at which point they get turned over for the other side to cook. This is what they look like at the end:





Not much like crumpets, right? Don't care, they taste bloody awesome, anyway, Delia said they'd be different. I think they're better once they've cooled down and gone a bit spongy, but they're pretty good when hot too.

They look a bit more like crumpets on the inside:



So, that's crumpets (and chocolate muffins), they're in the rotation now. Try it yourself and let me know how you go.

Bakery sweatshop

With the girls home sick but not really acting it (and me looking after them), I thought I'd better find something to occupy us. What could be better than making some bread? Ella took the photos.

First, locate your bread recipe. Ours is now largely obscured by the detritus of the breadmaking process:



Underneath the stains is a now-coverless 1980s copy of the Edmonds cookbook.

Next, into the 1960s floral flour sifter goes flour:



salt:



and yeast:



Now, sift:



Cold milk:



Followed IMMEDIATELY by boiling water:



Stir it up until it looks like thin tiling grout:



Leave it for a couple of minutes while you go and hang out the sheets that have now had the chunder washed off them (you may have an alternative activity). It will now look more like porridge:



Tablespoon of oil:



Sift in flour, half a cup at a time.



Stir 'til ya can't stir no mo', then cover the bench in flour:



and tip the mess out onto it:



Start bashing (kneading) the lump (dough) around. It'll eat up the flour - keep adding more so it doesn't stick to your hands/the bench/walls/ceiling/floor:



Let Betty have a go:



After a while it'll be "smooth and elastic", like the book says:



Grease the bowl:



then plonk the dough in:



Turn the dough over, put a twee towel on top, then put it in the lovely lovely sun:



After some time, marvel at The Power Of Yeast:



Tip it out onto more flour:



Bash (transparent hands are not mandatory for this, although they do help you see what you're doing):



Cleave (divide in two):



Divide each half into three bits, and make them into sausages:



Shit! Quick, grate some cheese!:



Mash one end of three sausages together:



then start plaiting (you know how to do it). Throw cheese in the middle before each plait:



Have some idiot point at the partially-complete loaf:



Here's the plait finished. Looks a bit crap, but don't worry, there's a happy ending. Make another one the same:



Cover the loaves with another tea towel and place in front of the lovely lovely heater or on top of the lovely lovely dryer:



After a while, marvel yet again at the size increase:



put more cheese on top:



then put them in the oven. 220 horsepower for ten minutes, then 180 until they're done. Hold yours up to the screen and compare with this photo to see if they're ready:



Full body shot:



If you haven't done this before, give it a go. It's really easy. Go on.

If you've done it before, but not for a while, go on!

Let me know about your variations, or post in the comments.